i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
