Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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