You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
