I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
