I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
