happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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