I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
