guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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