The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
