i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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