Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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