It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
