no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
