I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
