Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
