I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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