That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
