I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
