I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
