Do you still have your period?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
