my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
