Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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