According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
