Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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