i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
