this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
