if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
