just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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