He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
