Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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