Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
