Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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