I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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