apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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