I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
