i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
