did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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