I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
