She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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