apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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