I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
