You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
