thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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