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She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
