So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
