I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
