i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
