god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
