Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
