you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
