Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
