Sponge bath it is.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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